


Goddess of Death

by PettyPrincess66



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bad Clarke Griffin, Badass Clarke Griffin, Costia has a Penis, Feelings, Fix-It, Lexa Has a Penis (The 100), My inspiration just takes me places sometimes, Protective Clarke Griffin, Smut, Time Travel, cause fuck that, f/f/f relationship, lexa doesn't die, things happen, wanheda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:14:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25717885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PettyPrincess66/pseuds/PettyPrincess66
Summary: When Lexa dies, something snaps inside of Clarke. Ensuring she gets the revenge she craves, even upon innocents, Clarke is visited by Wanheda - the goddess of death, when she is given a chance to go to another time line, where things are drastically different, but some how still the same, will she take it? or will she decide she is just tired of surviving?My first fan-fic! <3
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, costia/lexa/clarke griffin
Comments: 107
Kudos: 446





	1. Awakening

I’ll always be with you….

Clarke had never felt pain, not like this. Watching Lexa die in her arms, watching her heart - that somehow managed to live outside of her body - lose the light in her forest green eyes.. No, Clarke had never felt that kind of pain. Suddenly her entire body was screaming at her in protest; protest in every blink of her tired eyes, in every breathe forced into her over exhausted lungs, in every movement of her heavy limbs. Clarke fell to her knees, arms, hands and clothes covered in black blood, and she let out a choked sob. She forced her body to reach forward, to close the eyes that were looking lifelessly back at her, and she swallowed the scream when every movement felt like knives piercing her skin one hundred times over. 

“Wanhed-” Titus’s words were cut off by her hand wrapped firmly around his throat. She could smell his fear, oh could she smell it, and she reveled in it. Every part of her body was screaming in protest, tears falling rapidly down her face, but it dulled just the slightest amount by her conviction; he killed Lexa, he tried to kill her and in his incompetence, he had killed her heart, her life, her Lexa, her flame.. Clarke would avenge her. Her hand clamped tighter around his throat as a sudden pounding pain radiated through her jaw, she imagined it is how one would feel if someone repeatedly bashed a rock into their face. She screwed her eyes shut and stretched her neck, feeling an odd satisfaction in the little cracks she could hear with every twist and turn. 

She vaguely registers Titus trying to fight her grip, but she couldn’t feel his attempts to pry her hand away, she couldn’t feel the way he kicked out at her, she couldn’t feel his nails digging into her arm. No, her body was already thundering - pounding - aching - punishing her for her failure. For failing Lexa, for choosing her people over and over again. The same people who constantly asked her for things no teenage girl should have to give, her very soul laid broken and bare at their feet not once or even twice but so many times that it is now unrecognizable, and instead of gratitude she is faced with judgement, rejection, hatred, anger. 

Pathetic. All of them. Pathetic, worthless, weak!

Fangs protrude from her upper and lower jaw and she runs her tongue over them slowly, they’re sharp, dangerous, and they make her feel powerful. She fights the shiver that runs down her spine. The pain is still there but it is dulling, almost like her body only needed to prepare her, but for what she isn’t quite sure. 

Without warning she removes her hand and sinks her fangs into the front of his throat, biting down until she tastes hot crimson and ripping back, moaning involuntarily when she hears his throat give way. She smirks as she watches his body fall to the floor, eyes staring at her in shock as his hands try to uselessly stop the bleeding. It takes him only seconds after to die, and Clarke loves every second - wishes it would have lasted longer. 

Looking down at her now red and black stained hands, she realizes her fangs aren’t the only change, she has claws protruding from her finger tips, not ridiculously long but sharp enough that she easily could have ripped his throat out with them instead of her mouth, but she doesn’t regret it. She can still feel his blood run down her throat, this time she can’t fight the shiver. 

Walking over to Lexa’s lifeless body, she bends down, placing the barest hint of a kiss across her cold lips. “I will avenge you my love.” and she had almost forgot Murphy was in the room - almost except for the intake of breathe he takes when her body is finally facing his direction.

“P-P-Princess..?” He asks shocked and terrified, she can taste his emotions on her tongue, and she is pleasantly surprised to find that his fear dulls the near constant ache. 

“I will not harm you Murphy kom Skaikru..” Clarke notices her voice sounds like her except mixed with vessels long since passed, long since tired, and practically seething in want for revenge. “Take your leave, take your Emori if you can find her once more and go where you shall choose. But stay away from Arkadia, for when I am through they will all be dead, and so will anyone else who opposed my flame.” 

With that, Clarke yanked the doors open, smirking at the flinch the slam caused from the boy before making her way to her room - she washed off the blood, and changed into a pair of dark black jeans with a white blouse, black boots and leather jacket. She couldn’t help but notice her fangs and claws also came with glowing red eyes, along with tattoos running up and down both arms. They resembled black veins with thorns hugging her arms like a boa constrictor, across her chest are the words “you’re already dead.”

The clothes Lexa had specially made for her fit perfectly, and she didn’t fight the anger when it threatened to consume her - no she would embrace it - and they would all die.


	2. The beginning of the end

Panting and covered in blood, Clarke finally returned to the cave she had escaped to when she was in the wilderness alone, what seemed like a lifetime ago - and she wept. She cried until she had no tears left and her eyes were blood shot and itchy - and she cried some more. She screamed until her throat was bloody and raw - and screamed some more. She cried for her flame, her Lexa. She cried for all the lives she had taken, because yes, that’s exactly what she did. She walked into the _skaikru_ camp and killed every last man, woman and child, with the exception of Monroe, Harper, Monty, Raven and Octavia.

She traveled from Clan to Clan and killed any who opposed Lexa, whether publicly or behind closed doors, and she just _**knew**_ which ones, she just _**knew**_. She loved the feeling…watching as the light fled from their eyes, as they uselessly tried to fight her attempts. As she ripped open throats, snapped necks and caused chaos and destruction as she went, but it helped. It dulled the pain, the ache, and she could breathe. Oh could she, it gave her a purpose. A reason. What was that reason now?

She killed Ontari and demanded Luna step up and become _Heda_ because who else could? There was no one else left! No more _natblidas_. She had done what she set out to do, and now she had no people to protect, she had no Lexa.. and it all came back to that didn’t it? _**Lexa**_ … somehow she knew Lexa had been her soulmate, her twin flame, her _keryon tenia_ and this was a result, a punishment for not being able to save her. Because honestly how can you live when half of your soul is dead? Or is it all dead now? With the thousands of lives she’s taken since her time on the ground, and within the last few days alone, does she even deserve a soul? What would Lexa say if she could see her now?

In the end it didn’t matter, it didn’t matter because Lexa was gone and Clarke was _**tired**_. Oh god, she was _ **tired!**_ There was no _**someday**_! The was no _**living**_! There was only _**death**_ \- _**death**_ , _**death and more death** **and god she just wanted it to stop!**_

Lifting her dagger to her neck, she wasted no time slitting her own throat, she didn’t deserve a painless death after all and what better way to die than experiencing what her victims had felt? But she didn’t suffer, she didn’t feel pain, she barely acknowledged the way her body seemed to try to force air into a throat that didn’t cooperate, or the way she would choke on the blood that seemed to be everywhere and no where all at once. No, she barely noticed because she was _**done**_.

She had sacrificed _**everything**_ , her life, her love, her sanity, her very essence and she was _**ready**_ to go where only peace could follow. A few tears managed to spring loose from her eyes before she closed them, ready to _**rest at last**_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some people wanted to see the violence - but honestly this story is just getting started and in order to truly get to the point, I didn't wanna dwell too much on the beginning..  
> Sorry <3
> 
> The chapters will also get longer later on!


	3. Why me?

“Klark!”

Clarke gasps awake, heart beating erratically in her chest. She doesn’t know what she expected the afterlife to look like, but it should look nothing like this. Everything is white, just **_**white,**_** and she can feel the nothingness settle into her. Wasn’t there supposed to be a pearly gate? Or a field of flowers? Or friends and family to great her? Wells? Jake? But instead there was nothing and she was alone..

“Hello, Clarke.”

Or not..

Spinning, Clarke turned to see…herself? Or rather someone who looks exactly like her - but with brown hair and glowing red eyes. Was this her hell? Shivering, Clarke clenches her fists and sets her jaw, trying to smother the overwhelming need to **_**run.**_**

“Hello? Who are you?”

“I go by many names..” her look alike says in the same deep echo of a voice she remembers using on Murphy. “However, you may know me as _Wanheda_ , the goddess of death.”

Clarke was shell-shocked. _Wanheda_ wasn’t just a name? She hadn’t believed in the spirits that the grounders did or the legend of the flame. Clarke was raised by a doctor and an engineer. She was raised to be logical, practical, believe in what you can **_**see.**_** But she could couldn’t she? She was standing right in front of - herself? “Why?” Is the only question that Clarke can choke out, feeling her chest tighten and _Wanheda_ softens, profound sadness dulling her eyes.

“You are here because the world needs you.” _Wanheda_ coos, almost as if she is aware of the turmoil pounding inside of Clarke. “Because our love was robbed of her life, because I believe in you. Even with a soul and heart that are broken, scarred, and bleeding, you fought for what you believed in. Trying to secure Lexa’s legacy. You are here because I am offering you the chance to do it again. You are here, Clarke, because I will **_**not**_** choose anyone else.”

“But - Why me?” Clarke asks, her tone betraying the despair she tries to smother.

“Because you are strong.” Clarke tries and fails to hide her scoff. “You may not see it, but you are. Even as your soul is screaming - your very essence burns bright. I have watched you for a long time, Clarke. I have watched you love, leave, and be left behind. I have watched you suffer for the decisions no one can make and be unjustly crucified for it.”

**_**Their blood is on your hands** _ **

**__ **

**_**When you’re in charge, people die** _ **

**__ **

**_**You’re not god, Clarke. You don’t get to decide who lives and dies** _ **

**__ **

**_**Do you ever see their faces? Of all the people you’ve killed.** _ **

**__ **

**_**I am doing the best I can!** _ **

**__ **

**_**That’s not good enough!** _ **

**__ **

**_**You always wanna save everyone. But what you don’t realize is you’re the one we need saving from!** _ **

**__ **

**_**I bear it so they don’t have to.** _ **

Clarke falls to her knees, the weight of the world resting on her shoulders, crumbling her from the inside out - again.

_“I_ ** _ **can’t**_** do it anymore, _Wanheda_.” She sobs, “Not again, never again..”

_Wanheda_ bends, offering sympathy and empathy to her vessel, the most powerful vessel she has ever had, one who has an extremely intimate understanding with death, almost as strong as _Wanheda_ herself.

“I am sorry, Clarke.” _Wanheda_ whispers, “I know it is so much to ask. I cannot promise a life without pain. Life wouldn’t be life without it, what would be the point? How could you know to celebrate the good if you never had to experience the bad? Being my vessel is both a blessing and a curse. I don’t want to ask you to do this..” _Wanheda_ admits sorrowfully.

“Then, **_**please, please,**_** don’t” Clarke continues to sob, begging for **_**peace,**_** she’s **_**done.**_** She’s **_**tired.**_** Shes **_**finished.**_**

“If there was any other option, I would not. I would guide you to where the dead rest, to where they dream the best life they could have ever hoped for. To where they see their loved ones and know only peace, but I cannot do that, Clarke. The time line you lived is gone, Without you. they failed, humanity failed - and if this one meets it’s end, then there will be no tomorrow, no life, no peace. The world cannot exist without life and death, _Heda_ and _Wanheda_. My love and I represent balance and hope. Without both, the world will burn and take everyone with it to it’s grave - once and for all.”

_Wanheda_ takes Clarke’s shaking hands, trying her best to hold her vessel together, even as she falls apart.

“You and I are the better halves of each other, much like Lexa and Heda. No one understands death as much as you do.” _Wanheda_ says, as she feels Clarke grasp her hands in an iron grip, holding on as if she was her life line. “Death is more than pain and suffering. Lexa was right, death is not the end, only a new beginning. It is hope for those who are ready to live their next lives; it is justice to those who have hurt others. Death is brought down to two things in the end: Those who have earned peace and to those who deserve pain.”

“Don’t I deserve death yet?” Clarke chokes out as she remembers the people she hurt, the people she left, and all the people she killed. _Wanheda’s_ eyes harden flashing dangerously.

“You don’t,” She says, voice leaving no room for doubt. “You have suffered and shattered. You are in pain because you understand the weight of life and what it means to kill. Have you no regrets? Can you say that there is nothing more you can do, that you have nothing to learn, that you have nothing to live for when given this new chance?”

Clarke lowers her eyes, her bottom lip wobbling. She thinks about Jake, her father, who died for the truth. Anya, who she couldn’t save, and Lexa, her flame who died in her place. The guilt slashes at her heart, relentless in its pursuit.

“I don’t know.” She sobs, “ ** _ **I don’t know**_**.”

“You have yet to experience uninterrupted happiness, everlasting love, and unending peace. All you have ever known is pain. That is why you must get up, Clarke, _Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim._ ” _Wanheda_ says, pulling Clarke up to her unsteady feet.

Clarke can feel the inner conflict practically pulling her apart - it’s hard, because she is **_**done, dammit!**_** But Lexa...she could have Lexa again? She could see Lexa again? And that’s all it takes to fill the tiny holes in her broken soul, to start to feel the hope she is terrified to feel. _Wanheda_ waits patiently for an answer, already knowing which will come - she is hardly ever wrong after all and she chose her vessel well. Taking a deep steadying breath Clarke sets her chin stubbornly, looking directly into the glowing eyes of _Wanheda_ , “Ill do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you need Trigedasleng translations, just let me know in the comments and I can include them later on! Anything in Italics is Trigedasleng, 
> 
> If it's bold and Italics its just for emphasis!


	4. Willing Torture

Clarke was going to **_**kill**_** the Goddess of Death, She had never felt more bitter towards a person before, and considering how angry she was towards Lexa when she left her at Mount Weather - that was truly saying something. Watching this **_**literal goddess**_** , with a **_**face**_** just like hers, Clarke just couldn’t find it in herself **_**not**_** to be pissed, because she only just **_**now**_** realized how **_**out of shape she truly was!**_**

She decided it would be in her best interest to figure out how this whole ‘time travel’ thing worked, if only so she could go to the old world, find the person who invented exercise, and end their miserable life. She vowed she’d talk to Raven about making this a reality as soon as humanely possible.

_Wanheda_ spends a lot of time training Clarke, but it was a slow process. All of the badass strength and power she seemed to gather in her final days had disappeared. The goddess explained that she would learn how to harness her new skills - but basics first. Clarke found herself cursing _Wanheda_ more frequently than not through these **_**basics**_** , much to the amusement of the goddess.

Assuming the position for a push-up, Clarke reluctantly started to count…and _Wanheda_ tried not to bust out in laughter at the grumbling coming from her Vessel.

**_**One …**_** Fuck

**_**Two…**_** Double Fuck

**_**Three…**_** I’m..gonna..kill..you

**_**Four…**_** Then…Im…gonna..kill…me

Seeing the glare sent her way, Clarke chuckled, or tried too, but with her already panting it came out more like a choked cough

**_**Five…**_** Too…soon?

**_**Six…**_** I…Better..have..sexy…abs

**_**Seven…**_** Stupid…Goddess

**_**Eight…**_** Makes…this..look…easy

**_**Nine…**_** Stupid…grounders

**_**Ten…**_** and…t-they’re…st-stupid…training

**_**Eleven…**_** Fr-From…St-stupid…Birth!

**_**Twelve…**_** God..I…Cant…Feel…My…Arms…

**_**Thirteen…**_** Shit...how…am…I…still…m-m-moving

**_**Fourteen…**_** This..is..cruel and unusual punishment!

Clarke cried out in one breathe, face red from exertion and arms shaking with the realization that she wasn’t even half way to fifty.

**_**Fifteen…**_** I …Can’t…Wait…T-To Be…Buff so I can kick your ass!

It took a long time for Clarke to be able to reach fifty without throwing up - but she never stopped grumbling, not through the push-ups, sit-ups, chin-ups, jumping jacks, planks or crunches. The blonde officially decided only sadists would put themselves through the willing torture that was **_**exercise**_** , and she was only doing it because death itself demanded it of her.

But who was she kidding? She was doing it for Lexa, everything she did or will do was for her after all. She wouldn’t lose her again. She would do just about anything to ensure it, even plot the **_**death**_** of the goddess of death for making her perform finger pull-ups, but on the bright side at least she wouldn’t ever have to worry about finger cramps again - _Wanheda_ found that comment especially hilarious.

It does get easier, slowly, **_**oh so slowly,**_** she gains muscle mass, watching as her soft curvy body becomes lean and muscular. Abs, defined back and leg muscles, and stamina are produced, all things more than necessary on the ground. Things she severely lacked before, but, there was no possible way for her to gain those things in space. Thinking back to her time since the beginning, she realizes it’s sheer dumb luck and happenstance that she survived as long as she did. Determination and speed only get you so far in the end. Once her body became accustomed to the training she refused to call anything but willing torture, she was thrown into hand to hand combat.

Clarke definitely found even more colorful things to curse at the goddess as she found herself eating dirt over and over and over….and **_**over again.**_** All the ‘life or death’ skill she seemed to pick up over her time on the ground had magically disappeared she decided one night, either that or _Wanheda_ was just that fucking good. Honestly, Clarke realized it was probably both. Learning in an environment where her life wasn’t at risk was harder than learning when she had no choice **_**but**_** to learn. Her determination paid off though and eventually she was proving to be a worthy opponent, fast on her feet.

Clarke learns to be stealthy, barely making a sound as her feet connect to the ground - yes, this was already a skill she had been forced to learn on the ground but she had never mastered it, it was simply a survival method. A necessity, another learn or die situation. _Wanheda_ admitted she wouldn’t release Clarke until she could easily beat her. It was the only way to ensure things went the way they needed them to go - and Clarke wasted no time in agreeing.

She marvels in the time given to prepare, to learn, to transform her body and mind because it’s necessary. She **_**needs**_** it. The time to heal from wounds that are bleeding her dry. Her PTSD addled brain, has time to come to grips with her decisions, her choices. She learns not to be ashamed of the people she’s killed - of the people she will kill. In a perfect world it wouldn’t be necessary but the world is far from perfect and this time? She will do what is necessary. As much as she hated it, Clarke knew she needed the training and the exercise. Eventually she even started to **_**like**_** it, enjoying the thrill, the adrenaline, but she wouldn’t admit this out loud. Especially, not to the overly smug _Wanheda_ who just seemed to know this was the case.

Clarke also trains in weaponry, precision, accuracy and anything else _Wanheda_ deems necessary - and of course works on mastering her new abilities. Her new speed, strength and agility. Her new **_**deadliness,**_** she had learned that when she had killed well - everyone. Her claws and fangs are weapons themselves, powerful and dangerous weapons. Although she has mastered the weapons _Wanheda_ forced upon her - she knows she will prefer her hands. Her claws and fangs. Feeling the life drain from the body while she kills them.

It’s a powerful feeling, and she delights in it. It’s hard to separate her new found blood lust with her guilt, her empathy, but it runs out - she’s learned. Boy does it run out, and when it does she becomes unstoppable, uncaring, unforgiving, and she loves the new feeling. Secretly of course.

_Wanheda_ is vague about what Clarke would expect when she is sent **_**back,**_** and she chooses to use that term loosely, because she **_**knows**_** there is something that she isn’t being told, and while she was promised Lexa…she can’t help but hear this tiny voice in the back of her head reminding her of the goddess’s original words, the timeline she came from is **_**gone.**_**

So where was she going? Another one? Would things be the same? Different? Would Skaikru even be there? _Wanheda_ adamantly refused to answer any of her questions, only telling Clarke she will handle it better if she didn’t know ahead of time. The ominous response only makes Clarke a little resentful but she forces the feeling aside, if _Wanheda_ didn’t wanna tell her it must be for a good reason - and any excess worrying or doubt wouldn’t help either of them.

So instead she did something that was hard for her, probably harder than anything she’s ever done…She chose to blindly trust in the goddess of death. To believe her when she says she only has Clarke’s best interests in mind, that things will be different but not anything the blonde can’t handle, and most importantly, she will get to be with Lexa again. Ultimately, that was what sold it for her - even if everything was a disaster, as long as she had Lexa by her side she knew she could get through anything.

The day had finally came where _Wanheda_ deemed Clarke, ‘more than ready’ and Clarke agreed wholeheartedly. She felt prepared not only physically but mentally.

“When you awake, you will be disoriented and confused. It won’t be until the confusion dies down that you’ll be able to hear my voice and remember what is happening once again - but I will still be there with you. I will **_**not**_** abandon you. _Ai swega em klin._ ”

Clarke felt herself steel over _Wanheda’s_ promise, not even realizing a part of her had needed to hear those words.

“Do not be afraid of the differences you do not understand, there will be a few who remember as you do - and they will help you as you go. It is their purpose though they may not even be aware of this themselves. It will take time for you to remember why you have knowledge that you feel you shouldn’t. It will take time for your body to adjust to it’s changes as well, don’t fight it and don’t be afraid.”

Nodding slowly, Clarke was suddenly overcome with thoughts. Who would remember? Would Lexa? Her heart sped up at the thought and she found herself impatient for the goddess to finish up.

Chuckling to herself, Wanheda smiles, “Patience _strikon_ , you will see her in a moment.”

Without making the young blonde wait any longer, the goddess simply closes her glowing red eyes, and places a single kiss to Clarke’s forehead. A sharp but not entirely unpleasant tingling sensation runs down Clarke’s spine and she feels her knees weaken as black spots form in her vision. She feels herself stumble into _Wanheda’s_ strong arms, “ _Ste Yuj,_ My Vessel..” is the last thing she hears before she slipped further and further into perpetual darkness..


	5. What the..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more of a short teaser chapter! To get input into the way things are going and to offer a little taste of what's to come. Poor Clarke feels like she's losing it.

Suddenly Clarke is standing in a tent gasping for air - with little to no idea how she got there. Her vision slightly blurry she looks around immediately recognizing Lexa’s personal tent in TonDC, having spent enough time in it. Surrounding her are about 20 candles already lit - **_**is that where the heat is coming from?**_** Someone clearing their throat snaps her back to reality and she turns, coming face to face with Lexa.

When blue meets green, Clarke can feel herself go weak in the knees. **_**Finally!**_** She tries to speak but finds words are evading her, in fact she is frozen in the middle of the tent, eyes locked on Lexa who is sitting on her throne, twirling her dagger - Clarke knew this was a nervous tick the brunette had developed.

Clarke felt her eyebrows crease, was she okay? Was she supposed to be pleading with Lexa to ally with _skaikru_? Did she even want that? **_**Wait for someone to continue the script Clarke.**_** She thought, Snapping her eyes back to Lexa, only just now realizing they aren’t alone.

Anya was on Lexa’s right side with Costia on her left. **_**WAIT. How did I know that was Costia?**_** The blonde can’t help but spend a little too long staring at the curly brown haired chocolate eyed tan girl. **_**Beautiful..**_** Is her second thought, she can see why Lexa had fell in love with her…

It takes her a minute to realize what is wrong with this picture, her mind seems hazy and a memory is trying to force its way….almost randomly, Clarke did a double take, or it would have appeared random to the people in the tent watching her intently. **_**Costia?!**_** ** _ **Anya?!**_** ** _ **Dammit, you’re seeing dead people Clarke, you’ve officially lost your shit. Fuck, am I dead? Okay, nope just wait, store that question for later.**_**

Continuing her exploration she sees Indra standing to the side of the tent with Gustus and… ** _ **Niylah?! What the hell was she doing here?**_**

“ _Klark, are you well?”_ Lexa asked and there was genuine concern in her green eyes but Clarke couldn’t answer because it wasn’t until that moment that she realized she was shaking, and more pale than usual, she could feel something running down her face. Reaching up it was blood, black blood running freely from her nose.

“N _atblida_ ” she heard someone whisper but she couldn’t make out who. Suddenly hands were on her face and she looked up into caring and concerned chocolate brown eyes, and caring and concerned green.

“ _Klark?!”_ Costia and Lexa exclaimed at the same time.

“ _What the fuc-”_ Is all Clarke managed to say before blackness overcame her.


	6. Joken Pauna..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Disappointment1 for all of their help! 😁😆  
> Also for those who may not want it - there will be SMUT at the end of the chapter, itll be graphic. 😜🤷🏼♀️ I will add a warning before it starts so just skip after that if you aren't intersted. Dont say I didn't warn you 😉🙃

Waking up Clarke groaned, grabbing her head that continued to pound. **_**What the hell is happening? Where is she? Why was she surrounded by, well every fucking one?!**_**

_“I feel like I got tackled by a Pauna.”_ Trying to move she fell back with a sharp intake of breath. “ _Jok, I definitely got tackled by a_ _joken_ _pauna.”_

Giggling interrupted her grumbling and she turned her head to the side, eyes widening slightly when she saw Lexa, Anya, Indra, Costia and Niylah all standing by the bed she had been moved too. Costia and Niylah seemed to be giggling, while Lexa and Anya had amusement in their eyes and Indra was a face of stoicism as usual.

“ _Okay, I can wake up from this strange ass dream any fucking time now. Yep any time now Klark, just ya know, clap your hands, stomp your feet, click your heels three times, wake up!”_ Closing her eyes tightly she willed herself to wake, but when she peaked her eye open she was only met with more amusement and it confused her to no end.

Eyes burning a bright red, she growled loudly, much to the surprise of the five inhabitants in the room. Sitting up abruptly she looked down at herself, flexing her fingers and hands before ripping the offending shirt off her body. She was hot, much much too hot. Sweat was dripping down the side of her neck, down her chest and six pack of abs. A sharp intake of breath broke her out of her inner musings.

She turned her head, eyes slowly changing back to her normal blue to see three sets of wide eyes taking in her body. Niylah, Lexa and Costia.

No one had spoken and it wasn’t until Anya cleared her throat that all eyes turned to her, “Klark, how are you feeling?”

Suddenly all eyes were back on her and she swallowed hard, “ _Hot, I feel hot. What’s going on? Where am I? What the hell is happening?”_

Indra walked over to the table, grabbing a cup of water before handing it to Clarke, looking down she realized she wasn’t thirsty and did the only logical thing she could think of. She stood up, and dumped the water over her head. Reveling in the way it seemed to temporarily cool her over heated body, blue eyes glowed bright red again, before tattoos quite suddenly appeared all over Clarke’s body. Tattoos that told a story no one in the room could understand _._

_“_ Clarke, _ai hodnes,_ what is the last thing you remember?”

And there it was, what was the last thing she remembered? ****Death, death and more death.**** But wait, Lexa just called her hodnes, when Costia was standing right there? What the fuck?!

“ _Death, I remember my death…Wait, how are all of you here. Lexa, Anya, Costia -. What the hell is happening?! Holy shit, this is a really fucked up dream. I need to go. I need to get out of here.”_ Stumbling her way to the door she was stopped by arms around her waist.

“ _Klark, ai hodnes, ai prisa, it is okay.”_ Costia, Costia was calling her love? Costia was calling her princess? Lexa called her love? Okay, someone really needed to tell Clarke what was going on because she was losing it. And like a saving grace in walked Carissa. Princess of the Shadow Valley Clan, Clarke’s best friend, and the only person she needed to see right now.

“ _Carissa, Beja..”_ It was desperate, and confused, and she wasn’t even sure what she was asking, but suddenly the arms around her were gone and she was rushing forward into Carissa, Clinging to her like she was the lifeline she didn’t know she needed.

“ _Tell me you remember, Tell me you remember, Tell me you remember. Tell me I'm not crazy, Beja. Beja. Tell me what's going on.”_ Clarke mumbled, she didn’t know if anyone but Carissa could hear her, and frankly she didn’t care.

“ _Sha, I remember Klark, Breathe. That’s it. Breathe with me. No one is here to hurt you, skaiprisa. Just breathe Klark.”_ It was easier to clear the fog in her mind under the familiar voice of her best friend and the repetitive circles being rubbed on her back.

Clarke desperately wanted to go to Lexa, to be in her arms, but she couldn’t. Not with Costia here, and Niylah, and everything was confusing and jumbled and she just needed a **_**fucking minute!**_**

Anya couldn’t help but feel sorry for Klark, Carissa and Anya were the only one’s to remember when the world suddenly awoke anew. At least as far as they knew. Lexa, Costia and everyone else seemed as clueless as ever, and they had hoped when Clarke came down things would change. And change they did - she came alone this time, and much earlier than expected. She also had no knowledge of the ground, or any of them.

Just like in the first life, Lexa took an interest in Clarke almost immediately, it was tempered by her relationship Costia, but it still bloomed none the less. And while everyone was prepared for a messy fall out, Costia fell too. Suddenly they loved each other but loved Clarke, she seemed to be the missing piece that held their rapidly failing relationship together, but no one knew if the sky girl was even aware of their feelings. Let alone, returned them.

Still, Anya was there for it all. She trained Clarke, although she was pretty hopeless, this Clarke had no interest in even lifting a sword, completely **_**detested**_** the idea - only healing and excelled as Nyko’s _seken_ , she can use a sword, she wont win any wars but she can handle herself until help arrives. Anya was there when they professed their love for the sky girl and offered her the choice between them, agreeing to part for her. Agreeing that whichever she would choose, the other would accept and no one expected her to choose both, especially not Lexa or Costia.

Anya was there through the courting, through the gentle touches, and shy kisses, through the fights and the loud obnoxious sex and of course the bonding, because it isn’t everyday that the commander gets bonded, and definitely not to two people. However it was welcomed, everyone loved the sky princess, and Costia was Trikru, so it was accepted by the 6 clans who had Joined the coalition at the time. And now two years later, the only clan yet to join was Azgeda. The general can’t help but wonder how Clarke will take the changes…

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“ _Bonded? As in married? To Lexa and Costia? Like both of them? And Niylah..is Lexa’s_ ** _ **SISTER**_** _?! I slept with my girlfriends sister…my girlfriend is now my wife along with her dead ex girlfriend..”_ Even as she asked the questions, even as she babbled incoherently, Clarke knew the answers, because she felt safe in Costia’s arms past the panic. She felt comfortable when she found both of their hands on her face and seen the concern and care in both of their eyes. It was familiar and yet terrifying. She had feelings - no she was in love with both of them - but had no memory of how it happened. 

“ _Sha, Klark, Bonded. And you_ ** _ **didn’t**_** _sleep with her sister Clarke, she wasn’t her sister then!”_ Carissa exclaimed exasperated then more cautiously asked, “ _Do you not know how to speak Gonasleng anymore? You have been speaking Trigedasleng since you woke?_ ” ,

“ _Wh-What? I..”_ and Clarke froze because she’s right, she hadn’t spoken English this entire time.

“I, I can speak English, it is just...foreign to me.” She tripped and stumbled around the alien tongue, finding it ironic that her native language was now the one she struggled with.

“You know we will have to go confront them eventually? They will only continue to wait and they’re probably pacing outside of the tent right now.” Carissa chuckled softly, they were all a little over protective of the sky princess. If only they knew the Clarke that she did. The one who seemed to be sitting right in front of her, having some how and for some reason woke up.

“Clarke why are you here? Not that I’m not thrilled to see you, _ai lukot_ (my friend). But Anya and I have been awake for 4 years, and you’ve been…you’ve been the other Clarke.” She didn’t know how to explain the other Clarke, so familiar yet so foreign. 

“ _Wanheda._ ” It was the only word she spoke yet it sent chills running down Carissa’s spine, Clarke had never been _Wanheda._ Even when she was given the name she had rejected the spirit, what could have happened to cause her to change her mind?

“ _I have been sent to change things that can be changed, save those who can be saved, and prevent Primfaya from wiping out the world.”_ Clarke’s glowing red eyes seemed to penetrate Carissa’s very soul, and again she shivered.

**_**Do not worry strikon, I am still here. This world was a little different than you imagined but it will all work** _ ** **_**out** _ ** _._

“O-Okay, What first?” Carissa stuttered out, not willing to admit to the little bit of fear present inside of her. Not because of Clarke, no never Clarke, but everything they will have to endure.

Clare found herself comforted by Wanheda’s words in her head.. “ _First I must change,_ ” Looking down at herself Clarke was pleased that her body seemed to have traveled with her to this strange world, she worked hard for it. There was however, a ‘Leksa’ tattoo over her heart, which was followed by ‘Costia’ right underneath, ****Well that’s fucking new.****

****

**_**As much as Heda is your entwined, Costia was alive and she did not die, it was a compromise necessary to keep you two together. It wasn’t a guarantee things would work out the way they did, but honestly it worked out rather perfectly. This Lexa never believed ‘Love is Weakness’ because she never lost either of her loves.**_** Wanheda explained

**_**That is why I love them? Even though I have no memories of this Clarke’s life?**_** Clarke asked curiously

**_**Sha**_** Wanheda replied smugly

**__ **

The tribal tattoos symbolizing her awakening as Wanheda, along with the quite drastic things she had to do to ensure Lexa’s legacy were present on her back, upper arms and back of her neck in bold black, extremely hard to miss. She searched around the small tent she was in with Carissa, not hers - just a random spare but she knew she would find her outfit here. She somehow just knew.

Carissa’s eyes followed her friend as she stood on sure legs, walked over to the wardrobe in the corner and opened it to find clothes that she was almost sure weren’t there before.

Her blood red halter top, followed by her jean booty shorts, her blood red lip stick she had created just for her, along with her blood red 5 inch heels. Yes she had a pattern, because she no longer feared the blood on her hands, and maybe her back was too small for the kill marks she could have bore from all the death on her hands, but she was no longer ashamed of the kills. They were necessary, and she was no longer above sacrifice when sacrifice was due.

A wolf whistle pulled her from her thoughts and she smirked over at Carissa, “ _Well damn, there will be no talking once we get back in that tent. Costia and Lexa are gonna have a field day with you.”_

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lexa, Costia, Anya, Niylah and Indra all stood. Watching the entryway where Clarke had exited with Carissa, stunned.

“What was that? Why didn’t she know who we were? Lex?” Costia asked, slightly panicked, slightly confused, a little hurt. Her wife just left her arms to run into the arms of another. But she couldn’t dwell on that, because her wife was also scared. Terrified and confused, and all she wanted to do was be there for her.

“It’s okay, Cos, we will figure it out.” Lexa really had no answers for her, were they losing Clarke? They couldn’t, she was the glue that held them together, honestly she had to admit without Clarke there would be no Costia and Lexa, she saved their relationship by holding them together, and she wasn’t sure if the blonde recognized it but they certainly did. They loved each other, but it was nothing compared to the love they had for their sky princess.

“Lexa, Costia, we should talk..” Anya managed to call out, unsure of what to say. Was it even her decision to tell them? Carissa and Anya both agreed to hide the truth unless more people showed up, but no one has. However this seemed like a time when they had no choice but to tell. Lexa and Costia needed Clarke and they couldn’t be there for her if they didn’t understand.

Suddenly all eyes were on Anya and Lexa narrowed hers suspiciously, “What do you know Anya? Speak true.”

“We should - we should sit.” Running her hands through her hair she sat at the table and she had never felt more nervous in her life. She realized her behavior came off as suspicion, only when neither Lexa nor Costia moved to follow her, and they fixed her with a look so icy, if looks could kill, she would be dead on the floor.

“Oh please you both know I didn’t hurt her!” She grumbled, watching satisfied as they sat.

“Okay, Okay, Four years ago, a few months before Clarke landed. Carissa and I woke up. And I mean, woke up as in...we were both in a different life before this.”

She watched disbelief and confusion cross their features, so she hurried to explain, “Just let me finish! We were all there, _ai seken._ So much happened. And I mean, so _joken_ much. I don’t know what I should tell you. I don’t know if it’s my story alone to tell, but Clarke was there as well, and it seems that she woke up too. In that other life, Costia you were dead, I was dead, and Lexa, you died in Clarke’s arms.”

“Speak true Anya, I don’t have time for this, this - its impossible!” Lexa exclaimed annoyed, because it was. It was simply not possible.

“I am telling the truth, that’s why Clarke is freaking out. Because she woke up, and now she is confused and jumbled. In this other world, Clarke was _Wanheda_ which is why you saw her eyes glow, and her tattoos. It followed her here..”

Anya watched as her words started to sink in, and suddenly everyone was quiet. No one knew what to say, they couldn’t believe her. No, how could they? But they had seen the eyes for themselves, they had seen the tattoos that were not there last night - hell Lexa would definitely remember if her wife had those sexy tattoos, and she was lean but she didn’t have those abs she had earlier that were simply dripping with sweat, sweat she wanted too- ** **stop Lexa!****

She felt her cock twitch slightly and she shifted in her chair, willing herself not to think about it. She gave Costia a knowing look as she watched her shift as well, both willing themselves to not get hard before all of this was dealt with.

Before she could get lost in her thoughts anymore the tent flaps opened and Carissa and Clarke walked in, and any hope she had of controlling her urges flew out the _joken_ window.

*****SMUT WARNING******

After twenty minutes Clarke finally found it in herself to go back to Lexa’s tent. ****Which I guess its my tent too.**** She thought to herself.

She was so lost in thought she didn’t notice the way everyone froze when she walked in, hand on her hip, putting her full weight on her right leg while tapping her heel with her left foot, it wasn’t until Carissa elbowed her that she noticed Costia and Lexa both staring at her, mouths agape and pupils dilated, and she didn’t know why but just the thought of what would happen when they were alone caused an insatiable hunger to burn inside of her.

“Leave us.” She heard Lexa call out before everyone quickly walked out of the room. Lexa and Costia both stood at the same time, slowly making their way over to the blonde. She noticed they both sported hard cocks, and her pussy started to drip in anticipation, all of a sudden she ****needed**** them inside of her. Closing her eyes as her breathing sped up, she suddenly felt Costia pressed against her back and Lexa pressed against her front. She didn’t know how she knew which was which with her eyes shut, but she knew.

“ _Ai hodnes_? _”_ It was a plea from Lexa, an almost desperate plea and she wasn’t sure what she as asking for. Permission? Or if she was okay? She had no idea, but Clarke knew what she wanted.

“Teik ai _,_ Beja _.”_ (Take me) She moaned out, feeling two sets of sure hands on her body, and Lexa’s lips nipping at her neck, while Costia sucked on her ear lobe. Fuck she had never had a three some before but it seemed like every inch of her body was dripping in pleasure from the hands that groped her so expertly.

Turning in their arms she grabbed Costia by the hair smashing her lips on hers, kissing her fiercely, hungrily. It was very primal, the hunger inside of her, and god did she ****need them****. She ground her ass into Lexa, enjoying the way she groaned against her neck while she left little bruises with her teeth before taming them with her tongue. Reaching down she squeezed Costia’s ass enjoying the gasp that left her, forcing her tongue in between Costia’s lips and licking her way across the top of her wife's mouth.

Pulling out of their arms she ignored their whines of protest, enjoying the way they were both panting, and eyeing her like wolves stalking their prey. Clarke slowly started stripping off her clothes, first her top and bra, enjoying the way Lexa’s eyes zeroed in on the perky nipples that stood to attention at the sight of their commander. Before removing her shorts and panties, leaving her standing there bare as the day she was born, in nothing but her red high heels.

“Clarke, _ai prisa_ , you forgot something.” Costia panted out, looking at her shoes before raking her eyes slowly up her body. Clarke smirked cockily, “mmm no baby they stay on.”

Making her way over to the bed Clarke laid on her back spreading her legs as wide as they could go, enjoying the way both zeroed in on her wet glistening folds. Lexa even went as far as to lick her lips, “whose first?” She moaned out, fingers moving to circle her clit while she waited impatiently.

Lexa and Costia both looked at each other than back at Clarke, she had never been like this in bed, ****in control**** and they were both living for it. The minute she started circling her own clit, both groaned in unison. Cocks twitching painfully in anticipation.

“You go first.” Costia offered, stripping herself of her clothes while Lexa did the same and the brunette couldn’t argue, how could she when the most delicious sight she had ever seen waited on her bed.

She moved quickly, moving Clarke’s hand off herself before settling between her legs, both sighing in relief at the much needed skin on skin contact, She watched transfixed as Clarke brought her fingers up to her mouth, sucking them in and moaning at the taste of herself before releasing them with a soft ‘pop’.

Sitting herself up using her core, she grabbed Lexa’s face with her hands, looking deep into her eyes, running her thumb along her jaw line, “Taste.” She demanded, shoving her tongue in the brunettes mouth the minute it was open, both moaning at the taste of Clarke inside of Lexa’s mouth before Clarke reached down to stroke Lexa’s huge 8 inch cock, reveling in the small noises she made against her mouth.

Clarke laid back down, lining Lexa up with her entrance before nodding at her to continue while looking over at Costia, “Come here baby.” She cooed to the girl, and as soon as she was within reach she took Costia in her mouth, moaning against her cock as she felt Lexa enter her. Slowly, much too slowly for her liking but she quickly realized why. She had never had someone so big before, and she was awfully tight. She squeezed down on the brunette with her pelvic muscles and hummed around Costia’s cock when Lexa groaned slipping in a few more inches.

“ _Jok Klark._ ” Costia called out, slipping her hands in her hair, trying hard not to pump as Clarke continued to sink down on her cock until she felt it hit the back of her throat, Clarke had taken all of her, and Costia thought she might faint. Especially when she started swallowing and working her throat with each bob of her head, Costia could no longer control the way she pumped in and out of the blonde’s mouth.

Lexa groaned again, watching as Costia face fucked her wife, and _keryon_ was it making her harder. “I’m gonna move now okay _hodnes_?” She cooed to Clarke, waiting for the humm to sound around Costia but what she didn’t expect was the blonde to pull away and look her in the eyes challengingly,

“ _Fuck me like you mean it, ai Heda”_ and honestly? Lexa had never been so fucking turned on. She watched as Clarke smirked knowing exactly what she just did, and she couldn’t wait to fuck that smirk right off her face. Waiting until she got situated back onto Costia, watching as Costia went right back to fucking Clarke’s mouth with abandon - Lexa set a brutal pace. Not bothering with slow, her _prisa_ wanted to be fucked and she ****wouldn’t**** deny her.

The only sound coming from the tent were moans, groans and screams, slaps of skin on skin, and heavy breathing. Lexa was in heaven, Clarke kept squeezing down on her, and she had wrapped her legs around her waist, lifting her hips to allow her deeper access, and fuck she had never felt so good. This had to have been the best sex they had in the two years they had been married and if the way Costia’s balls kept tightening while Clarke was caressing them says anything, she wasn’t the only one who thought so.

Clarke’s screams of pleasure only egged her on, and Lexa couldn’t help but slam harder into her wife, thankful that she had spent her life working on her core muscles because fuck were they actually starting to burn but the pleasure was too much to deny either of them, and so she kept slamming, going harder, faster and deeper, watching how Costia finally let go in Clarke’s mouth, and how Clarke swallowed it all.

“Share.” Lexa practically growled out, swallowing Clarke’s next scream as she shoved her tongue in her mouth, tasting Clarke and Costia mixed together, sending her over the edge as Clarke and her came together.

“Fuck Lexa! Oh god, Yes, Fuck.” And then Clarke was collapsing on the bed while Lexa emptied into her, and she couldn’t help but moan at the feeling.

“ _Ai hodnes,_ I am so sorry, I know you don’t like when I - but I couldn’t - I would’ve..” Lexa stumbled but Clarke shushed her with a kiss, she didn’t know why she was apologizing but she knew what she was apologizing for.

“Don’t be sorry, I loved it. Fuck I loved it. Up for another position?”

She asked eyeing them both and she giggled at their surprised looks, “Don’t tell me you thought I was done with you.”

Neither complained, but yes, they had thought she was done, usually they only went one round and their sex life was wonderful, daily even but they had never went more than once in a night. None the less they nodded, excited.

Clarke stood on shaky legs, “Cos, lay down.” Clarke demanded, and _keryon_ did it turn them on, but neither said anything they simply followed orders. They watched as Clarke climbed over Costia, quickly connecting their lips in a heated kiss while Costia’s hands went to her hips. When air became an issue, Clarke reached down, grabbing some of her slick and rubbing it along Costia’s cock to lubricate it a little before sliding down all the way in one go. “Fuck!” “ _Jok_!” They both cried out in pleasure,

“Le-Lex get behind me.” Clarke panted out, waiting. When Lexa was behind her, she raised up, collecting more of her slick before slamming back down with a loud moan once again, then coating Lexa’s cock. “Alright put it in baby..”

Clarke panted out, leaning forward with her hands on either side of Costia's body, grinding slowly on her cock.

Lexa looked at Clarke stunned, then Costia who was equally stunned then back again, “Clarke y-you mean?”

“Come on Stud, I need you.” She practically whined out with another particularly hard thrust, and Lexa didn’t need to hear that twice. Lining up her cock with Clarke’s ass she slowly pushed in, pausing when she heard Clarke’s sharp in take of breathe, “G-go baby, I'm fine.” She moaned out, pushing back while Lexa pushed forward and Lexa thought if this was how her spirit moved on, she would gladly accept it because her cock was being squeezed in ways she had never felt before, not even Costia let her fuck her ass, and she would be lying if she said this wasn’t something she wanted.

When she buried to the tip, she waited for further instructions all three panting, “You’ll have to worker together, one pulls out the other pushes in, and repeat. Come on, I need you both to fuck me. _Ai flapkrasha, Ai bluma.”_ (my butterfly, my flower) and with those words both came undone, she had never called them that before but it did wonderful things to them. Not only did it make them feel so much more love for their sky princess, but it made their cocks twitch in excitement. Demanding they please the girl.

They did as they were told, working together and egged on by the cries and screams coming from Clarke, coming from each other, and boy was this everything they wanted it to be. It was no secret what was happening in the commanders tent, the whole camp could hear. It was a sign of prowess, pride and something to celebrate when you could please your lover in such a way and it was clear that Costia and Lexa were pleasing their sky princess.

Soon they were all coming, hard. And they collapsed against each other, before slipping out of Clarke, turning her so she was in the middle and holding her tight between them. Planting soft and sweet kisses against her face, shoulders, temple, forehead and anywhere else they could reach.

“We still have to talk…” Clarke mumbled sleepily

“ _Sha ai hodnes._ ” Costia agreed

“For now sleep” Lexa finished.

And she did..


	7. Wanheda's Powers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry but Dark Clarke? Badass Clarke? Is LIFE lol, Don't be too hard on Lexa and Costia, it's an adjustment for everyone! Also, go Anya (: 
> 
> Don't forget to leave me some feedback, I read all my comments and try to reply to them as well!

Clarke had woken up in the middle of the night, and fighting the extreme exhaustion she felt, slipped a silky black nightgown on. She had a feeling sleeping naked would prove a bad idea in the next coming weeks, so much to do and so damn little time it always seemed.

She was proven right when she woke up again, the sun barely shining through the tent entrance, and stood off to the side was Costia, an Azgeda _gona_ with a knife to her throat, while Lexa was standing protectively in front of Clarke. The blonde was surprised she had slept through whatever was happening.

“ _What is your queen offering you that could have you be so suicidal? Even if you manage to kill Costia you would never make it out of here alive.”_

_“Queen Nia would not fail me!”_ He yelled back to Lexa, almost as if he was trying to convince himself. She had clearly missed quite a conversation.

Sighing she moved from around Lexa, sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed before making eye contact with the man, chuckling darkly.

“ _and just what is so funny sky whore?”_ Her chuckling turned into cold calculated laughter when she heard Lexa hiss in anger, placing a soft hand on her arm.

“ _What’s funny? You are. You were led into a trap, if you successfully were to murder Costia, you would still die, and if you fail, you die anyway. And the best part? You have no idea who you are dealing with. It’s been so long since I have been able to surprise anyone.”_ Suddenly she felt all eyes on her, and still she sat cool, calm, almost bored.

“ _Why would anyone be afraid of you?!”_ he sneered. With an evil smirk her eyes changed from blue cerulean to blood red, her fingers began to spark dark electric sparks while her claws and fangs elongated.

“ _Why would anyone be afraid of me, Jakall?”_ She watched with pleasure as his face paled, his grip on the dagger faltering, “ _Why would your wife fear me? Alliah? Your son, Markus, Your daughter, Kissandra? Ahh, yes why would they indeed.”_ She slowly began walking towards him, enjoying the way he backed up, almost like he was ready to run. Costia having been released ran over to Lea and she felt both sets of eyes on her as she continued,

_“Who would fear death Jakall? Would you? When it is staring right at you? Come on, don’t hide now. I was looking forward to the fight. Will you die a coward? Who dares threaten my wife, or will you die a gona? Either way you will die, so please decide before I decide for you, I am getting quite impatient.”_ And still he was frozen in his spot,

“ _Wanheda_ ” he whispered

“ _Ahh so you know who I am then, good. It would do no good to die ignorant. Should I make it quick? Or slow? What exactly were you planning on doing with her if you had managed to get her out of here?_ ” And finally she was face to face with the man, loving the way he flinched when her hand came to rest upon his face, claws scratching their way down his chin.

She barely registered Anya, Indra and Carissa entering the tent.

“Cat got your tongue?” She chuckled humorously, “Ahh no, no, I know. _Kripa, Foto!”_ She called out softly and within seconds she heard the gasps as the inhabitants of the tent saw _Wanhedas_ pets appear behind her. Large black wolves who towered over the inhabitants of the tent easily. growling ferociously, “ _Pleni.”_ She called and didn’t need to turn to know they had dropped to their stomachs, heads bowed in reverence. Their heads reached shoulder height while on their stomach.

“You will answer every question I have for you, or I will sit across this tent and watch as my pets tear you apart. You will die today Jakall, the question is will you die slowly or will you die fast. Decide quickly.”

“ _P-Please Wanheda. I will tell you all that you wish to know.”_

“Before we begin, you should know that among my many gifts, one of them is quite rare. I will know if you lie to me, and we can’t have that now can we? If you lie, I will slice a piece of you off, and feed it to my wolves here.” and as if on que they both growled in agreement, eyes glowing blood red in excitement.

“Shall we begin?”

He couldn’t speak, he only nodded.

“Excellent, now obviously we know who sent you, you were sent to kill Costia?”

“No _Wanheda,_ I was sent to kill you.” He mumbled looking rather fearful of the consequences.

However, Clarke laughed, a joyful sound. “Ahhh, so why did you choose to hold her instead?”

“I could not get to you, you were in the middle.”

“That’s fair, okay next question. Why were you sent to kill me?”

“Nia wished to take something from the Commander, and we were told you were a healer. Not a fighter. Barely adept with a sword.”

“Told by who?”

“A spy Nia has in Heda’s ranks, I do not know who he is. Just that it is indeed a man, and he knows much about her. He tells the queen everything she wishes to know. They plan to overthrow or kill her. Take over the coalition.”

She hears mumbles behind her but ignores them as a ferocious growl breaks free from her chest hearing they wish to kill Lexa, “Nia has a nightblood.” It isn’t a question, it is a simple statement. Ontari, of course, they're working quickly. She hears quiet gasps behind her.

“ _Sha Wanheda,_ I do no know who she is. She is kept secret and hidden from all, but yes. She possesses a nightblood.”

Turning away from him, Clarke glances at the people behind her, “any other questions?”

Silence is all she is met with so she turns, grabbing the man by his throat and lifting him off the ground, “There is a very small part of me that wishes to keep you alive, not for any reason other than to send that bitch a message. Jomp em op en yu Jomp ai op.(Attack her and you Attack me) However, I can’t be bothered.” Pulling him close, she puts her lips as close as they can get to his without touching and calls upon the powers of Wanheda to suck his very life essence out of his body. She revels in the power, in the absolute hunger it causes her, she is insatiable, and honestly a little blood thirsty, but this will have to do. This will have to be enough - for now. And when she feels the last of it leave his body, she twists her wrist reveling in the crack it causes, dropping his body like it burns her,

“ _Kripa, Foto, Dinner.”_ She smirks, watching as they make quick work of his body, not even leaving a mess behind.

Turning to face her after they finish quickly, both wag their tails and bark, causing her to chuckle once again, blue eyes returning as she leans down to scratch under their chins and kiss each of their noses. “ _Check the perimeter of the camp, if you find any others, kill all but one.”_ They each lick one of her cheeks before bowing in reverence once again and quickly exiting as fast as they came.

To say Lexa is stunned is an understatement, She just watched her wife, her innocent, doesn’t want to pick up a sword, prefers to heal people instead wife, threaten a man, threaten his family, summon giant wolves, suck his life out of him before snapping his neck like a simple branch, and all the while smiling and laughing like it was nothing.

To say Costia is shocked would be an understatement, maybe they should have had that talk after all.

To say Indra is shocked would be lying, she is once again as stoic as always, but on the inside she is pleased. She had secretly thought the sky girl weak, _Wanheda_ would not have chosen her if she was weak.

Anya and Carissa watch as their friend shows off her powers, a little worried for the rest of the inhabitants of the tent, but proud of her none the less. She used to despise being _Wanheda_ but clearly she has learned to come to grips with it.

“Uhh Klark, when the fuck did you get Wolves?! I mean introduce me! _”_ Carissa calls out excitedly, running up to the Blonde and tugging on her sleeve, “ _Beja, Beja, Beja, Beeeejjjaaaaa.”_

“Of course _, ai lukot._ ” Clarke grins, before sparing a glance at her still staring and seemingly frozen wives. She shoots Carissa a worried look,

“I think Klark and I will leave for a while, let you all talk _.”_ Cariss calls out, linking her fingers with the blonde before they leave, and Clarke isn’t sure how to feel that no one tries to stop them.

“They’ll come around Klark.” Carissa says, walking Clarke to a place she knows she desperately needs to go.

“I don’t know, Car. They loved this Clarke, she was soft and a healer and no violence. I am literally the Commander of Death, I think that’s gonna be a deal breaker for them. Honestly, its better to get it over with now, I don’t expect them to love me. I wouldn’t” She replies honestly, missing the look of utter heartbreak Carissa gives her.

“Clarke why would you say that?”

“Because its true, I am the commander of death. That means not only can I cause it, I will attract it. I have plenty of powers, some that I don’t feel comfortable sharing yet, but that doesn’t stop me from knowing that it will be too much for them. I never met Costia but I heard about her, she was against Heda, she didn’t love Heda, she loved Lexa and they were two very different people. Heda and Wanheda are different monsters. While Lexa and Heda may be different, I am as much Wanheda as Wanheda is me, I enjoy what I do. I enjoyed killing him, not just because he would have killed me or Costia if given the chance but because I get a thrill out of it. A sexual thrill.”

Carissa is shocked, she never expected to hear that but it doesn’t make her view her friend any differently, she knows she wouldn’t kill recklessly, only when necessary. And she is right, he would have killed them if the situations were reversed.

“Everything will be okay Clarke, for now lets stop thinking about it. You know where we’re going and I have everything you’ll need to take your mind off it.”

Emerging in the valley, Clarke can’t help but be amazed. It never mattered how many times she had seen this place, or the water fall that was sitting off to the right. It blew her away every time,

“And I have it!” Carissa practically yelled, sprinting over to their cave before emerging with her MPT.

“No way! Does it have my music on it?!” And it did, all of the songs they sat and downloaded from the old world,

“and I have mine!” Carissa said vibrating with excitement

In the old world they found they could not only Communicate with each other on these, they could face time and send messages. It was something she planned to introduce to the clans this time, if she had a chance to speak to her wife again.

“Oh gosh okay lets fucking jam all we’re missing is..” Clarke trailed off, not wanting to kill the mood.

“Nope!” Carissa called, bounding back inside before returning with a bottle of shadow valley alcohol, “I should have known you’d bring some!” She laughed hugging her friend

“I had hoped you would wake up.” Carissa explained a little sadly, “Don’t get me wrong, I love any version of my best friend but the original will always be my favorite.”

Clarke can’t fight the tears in her eyes, “We are too sober for this cheese, stud.” She chuckled softly, wiping her eyes.

“We also have our clothes in there, “ Carissa stated casually, waiting for the reaction she knew was bound to come from the blonde.

“Omg, best fucking friend ever! Lets change!” Clarke yelled as she ran full sprint into the cave, pulling clothes off as she went.

“Wait! First..” Clarke ran and jumped into the water, pulling herself out before running back in and drying off with a towel that was already waiting for her.

“Dude I am telling you, if we weren't best friends and you weren’t married..” Carissa trailed off staring at Clarke’s body.

“Ditto babe, Ditto.” Clarke exclaimed, eyeing her up with a smirk. Hell they were both hot, it never got there though.

She watched as Carissa changed into her skinny jeans, with her black tank top and black jacket. Her dark hair hung down to her shoulders and her brown eyes seemed to darken in all the black.

Clarke turned and changed, her skinny jeans were black instead of blue, and her tank top was white instead of black with slits across the chest, her jacket was midnight blue that made her eyes pop and she didn’t bother to put it on only because she was still feeling extremely hot. And she finished it off with a pair of pure white boots.

“You know those will get dirty so fucking fast right?” Carissa explained examining the boots she can’t figure out why her friend likes.

“But they are sooo sexy!” Clarke exclaims, spinning as if to show off, which adds to the effect. Carissa can only nod in a ‘fair enough’ gesture before they exit towards the waterfall. Laying a blanket on the grass before sitting with their music and alcohol.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been fifteen minutes since Clarke and Carissa left and Lexa and Costia had yet to speak, or move, hell if it wasn’t for the extremely subtle blink of their eyes and rise of their chests they would doubt they were even breathing.

“ _Seken!_ That is enough!” Anya shouts, breaking them out of their stupor.

Both girls look around quickly, only now seeming to realize Clarke is gone, “Where is she!?!” Lexa practically demands, rounding on Anya and Indra.

“She left with Carissa, about fifteen minutes ago.” Anya replied looking at them like that should have been obvious

“She probably took your reactions as a type of rejection, Heda.” Indra added on lowly.

“Rejection? Reaction? We didn’t say anything!” Costia replied offended.

“That’s the point. You just stood there, staring at her like she was a stranger. Which she is,” Anya pointed out, “She is not the Clarke you both fell in love with, and she knows this.”

Lexa and Costia both look away ashamed, “It isn’t that we..it’s just that..I mean she was so..”

“Different? Ruthless?” Indra supplied,

“She is _Wanheda,_ Klark kom skaikru. In the other world, she was a 17 year old girl, sent away from her people by her mother, unwanted and left to die with 100 other _goufa_. She was forced into a leadership position she didn’t want, nor was she prepared for. You have been training to be commander since you could walk Lexa, she was treated like a normal _goufa_ with no training, or knowledge of the ground and then shoved into a position to lead them with little more knowledge than they had. They were sent with no supplies, no knowledge and no help. She took responsibility for all of their actions, deaths, any deaths they caused. They all weighed on her. Heavily. ”

Lexa and Costia listened, fuming at the story, it made them both angry to imagine their Clarke treated in such a way. Anya got a far off look in her eye, “I watched as slowly the childlike wonder and innocence in her eyes was snuffed out by the ground. While she watched some of her friends die because of us, some die from poison or _ripas_ or even the _maunon_. We were taken by them, quite a few of her friends, myself and Clarke. It took a few weeks, but she managed to escape and she brought me with, we could not rescue anyone else. It was too risky, we planned to return, however my fight ended on the way. I wasn’t there for the rest. Clarke was, Carissa was, you would have to ask them. But she earned the right to be _Wanheda,_ and your Clarke was innocent. She never had to endure the pain of leadership, or the pain of the ground. Sure she is your sky _prisa_ , but we both know Costia and Clarke take a back ground seat while you perform your duties. Clarke wasn’t in the background, Clarke was your equal, standing next to you, challenging you, making decisions **_**with you**_**. Just as I watched the responsibility of _Heda_ weigh on you, the ruthlessness that countered your personality but you had no choice but to sacrifice yourself for your people. As did she, she sacrificed herself for her people, Lexa and while our people respect you for it, hers despised her.”

“The amount of deaths she is responsible for, I remember Carissa telling me they had talked about it and she held Clarke while she cried, because while our people looked to her as _Wanheda,_ she despised herself for the deaths she caused, She hated herself. When asked why she didn’t get kill marks to honor her kills, she would simply reply her back wasn’t big enough, and her people? They were the worst of them all! They constantly forced her into the position where it was her job to make the decisions, especially the decisions with no good outcomes. They demanded she lead them when it was convenient then tried to dismiss her as a child when it wasn’t. And then they judged her, turned on her, made her feel like a monster. They held their hands out and while one smacked her down the other demanded her help, and she never stopped helping, she never stopped putting them above her, until it killed the people she loved, and herself. **_**SO yes**_** , she may not be **_**YOUR Clarke**_** , but you will never understand the sacrifices that girl has made! She deserves someone who will love her the way the old Lexa loved her, and if that isn't either of you, then leave her alone!”

Ignoring the shocked looks of her friends, Anya left, knowing exactly where Carissa and Clarke were headed.


	8. Loyal, Brave and True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright another chapter! I just wanted to say thank you for the support on this story! Seriously it means the world to me <3 I know some people weren't very happy with Costia being included and I honestly don't know HOW that idea came to me but I fell in love with the idea. All three of our girls deserved better! (: I added songs! Some people may not enjoy that but I absolutely refuse to believe music would disappear if the world ended! <3  
> P.S. Graunpeka = Flightless bird. Basically saying she was weak.  
> P.P.S It was necessary to lay out the life Clarke let in the other world because this world is DIFFERENT, Clarke's life on the ark here will have been DIFFERENT. She just doesn't know the specifics of the differences yet.

Anya could hear Costia and Lexa following her, but honestly right now she didn’t care, she wasn’t sure when Clarke had won her loyalty over her _seken,_ while she would always respect her _Heda_ , right now she wasn’t Lexa’s biggest fan. She could hear the girls before she saw them, mostly the music they were listening too.

She smirked, Carissa _**always**_ had to have it blaring. Stopping and turning she shot a glare at the two girls following her and put her finger to her lips before continuing, climbing the tree in front of her to give her a clear view of the clearing, and watching.

She couldn’t help but be stunned when she realized the person singing was Clarke and she didn't bother glancing behind her to see the reactions. 

* * *

Clarke and Carissa played the music but Carissa paused it before they continued, “Look you can listen to any song you want after you sing for me.”

Clarke smirked, "You know, its been awhile."

Carissa looked at her with the biggest brown puppy eyes she had ever seen, "Come on Clarke, _Beja. Bejaaaaaa._ "

Giggling, Clarke nodded rolling her eyes, “You can't always look at me like that and get your way!" 

She watched as Carissa ran into their cave and ran back with Clarke’s guitar, before sitting on the blanket. _“Before_ I play the song I _**know**_ you want, do you mind if I sing a new one?" Clarke asked shyly.

Neither girl was aware, that Anya, Lexa and Costia were watching them in the trees and honestly they wouldn’t have paid attention even if they were.

Carissa nodded excitedly, tucking her legs underneath her before giving her undivided attention to the blonde, "You don't ever have to ask." 

Clarke stood, slowly making her way over to the waterfall before she went down on her knees, picking a pretty pink flower from the grass before playing the music. 

_**War is not freedom, Over my shoulder, I see a clearer view.** _

_**All for my family, reason I'm breathing, Everything to lose.** _

_**Should I ask myself in the water, What a warrior would do? Tell me underneath, my armor. Am I loyal, brave and true?** _

_**Am I loyal, brave and true?** _

Clarke looked at her own reflection in the small pool of water below the waterfall, trying to see who she used to be, who she felt like she needed to be, versus who she was now. 

_**Losing is easy, Winning takes bravery, I am a tiger's fool.** _

_**Out in the open, No one to save me, The kindest of whispers are cruel** _

_**Should I ask myself in the water? What a warrior would do? Tell me underneath my armor, Am I loyal, brave and true? Am I loyal, brave and true?** _

_**Cold is the morning, warm is the dream. Chasing the answer, until I cant sleep.** _

_**Will I be stronger or will I be weak? When you're not with me?** _

She knew this song reminded her of Lexa, who would she be without her beautiful brunette? And now she had Costia, double to lose..

_**Who am I without my armor? Standing in my fathers shoes. All I know is that it's harder, to be loyal, brave and true...** _

Carissa had tears in her eyes by the time the song was over, and Clarke was just confused, “Car?” she asked softly.

“That was about _**her,** huh? _”

Clarke nodded slowly, looking at her questioningly, wondering where the tears came from. 

"You underestimate yourself, Clarke. You always have, but you love so fiercely, even when most would argue she didn't deserve it, after the _maunon._ But you're the one who thinks you don't deserve love. Even after everything you've been through, everything you've sacrificed. Why wouldn't you deserve to be happy, _ai lukot?"_ Carissa whispers softly

"You know I remember the first time I ever saw you cry. Like actually full on break down in my arms cry.." She mused, 

“I couldn’t hold it anymore, I tried. Lexa used to say ‘love is weakness’ ‘showing emotions makes you look weak’" Clarke chuckled, “I looked up to her for the longest time, she was the best leader I had ever known, minus those two parts. I don’t think love is weakness and I have no issues showing emotions anymore. I learned the hard way holding it in does nothing but destroy you, now I dare someone to call me weak. Besides Lexa I'm the strongest one in this village, maybe even stronger than Lexa, as I said Heda and Wanheda are very different Monsters.”

They say quietly for a few minutes, just thinking about everything that happened IOL, is what they decided to officially call it. In the old world. "Alright, Alright, enough of that!" Carissa clapped her hands suddenly, you owe me the song I've been waiting to hear for four years!!"

Clarke smirked pretending to think about it, "which one?" 

"Come on Klark! You _**know**_ which one! It's my favorite!!" 

Smiling, Clarke carefully lifted her guitar, strumming the strings lightly, “Keryon its been so long since I have played..” she whispered mostly to herself, before closing her eyes and strumming the song she knew by heart.

 _****You look so wonderful in your dress,** ** _ _****I love your hair like that.** ** _

_****The way it falls on the side of your neck,** ** ****Down your shoulders and back.** ** _

_****We are surrounded by all of these lies,** ** ****And people who talk too much.** ** _

_****You’ve got that kind of look in your eyes,** ** ****As if no one knows anything but us.** ** _

_****Should this be the last thing I see,** ** ****I want you to know its enough for me,** ** ****Cause all that you are is all that ill ever need.** ** _

_****I'm so in love,** ** _ _****So in love,** ** _ _****So in love,** ** _ _****So in love.** ** _

_****You look so beautiful in this light,** ** _ _****Your silhouette over me,** ** _ _****The way it brings out the green in your eyes,** ** _ _****Is the Tenerife sea.** ** _

Anya gives Lexa a knowing a look, a look that Speaks volumes, a look that says ‘she wrote this for you _branwoda’_

“What?” Lexa mumbles shyly

“You know what.” Anya replies with a look before returning her attention to the sky girl

_****And all of the voices surrounding us here,** ** ****They just fade out when you take a breath.** ** _

_****Just say the word and I will disappear,** ** ****Into the wilderness.** ** _

_****And should this be the last thing I see,** ** ****I want you to know its enough for me,** ** _ _****Cause all that you are is all that ill ever need.** ** _

_****I'm so in love,** ** _ _****So in love,** ** _ _****So in love,** ** _ _****So in love.** ** _

_****Lumiere, darling,** ** _ _****Lumiere over me.** ** _

_****Lumiere, darling,** ** _ _****Lumiere over me.** ** _

_****Lumiere, darling,** ** _ _****Lumiere over me.** ** _

_****Should this be the last thing I see,** ** _ _****I want you to know its enough for me,** ** _ _****Cause all that you are is all that ill ever need.** ** _

_****So in love,** ** _ _****So in love,** ** _ _****So in love, love, love, love,** ** ****So in love.** ** _

Again at the end Carissa is crying but so is Lexa, or at least she has tears in her eyes that she wont let fall.

“God I love that song, you should sing it to them.”

Clarke Scoffs, “Yeah right, We both know they want who ever I was before I came here, I guess we all have to live with the fact that my Lexa is lost in lah lah land and their Clarke is gone.”

“But you said you loved them..” Carissa says softly.

“It’s not the same, I have her feelings, not her memories, They have both. It wont be so easy for them to accept me, and like I said earlier. I don’t expect them to. _I laik Wanheda,_ that’s a giant adjustment from innocent little won’t hold a sword _graunpeka_ ”

The sadness and acceptance is so clear in her voice it causes all in attendance to clench their jaw, Clarke doesn’t think she deserves love and all Costia and Lexa did with their actions was confirm it.

“We-We should go down there and talk to her..” Costia says.

“Not yet..” Anya and Lexa say at the same time.

* * *

Carissa turns off the music, taking the guitar and placing it aside.

“Clarke..” She says softly, “we need to talk about what happened..”

Clarke’s whole body language changes, she goes rigid, almost like she’s struggling to pull in air, “Wh-What do you mean? You were there.”

“No, I-I died trying to save the _natblidas_ ”

Clarke takes a sharp intake of breath, pain radiating her body, eyes dangerously flashing red. “You- That’s -That’s why I couldn’t find you. I looked everywhere. Who? Carissa WHO?! ****I will end them!”**** Clarke is screaming, tears forming in her eyes. She was struggling to breathe, the over heated feeling she had since awakening returning ten fold. 

“Clarke, hey! Clarke just breathe. Ill tell you everything you want to know, we will figure everything out but first you need to tell me everything. Beginning to end, you know as well as I do you can’t keep it bottled up, and Ill listen and I wont judge you, you know I will! Clarke, Clarke, _Beja_ breathe!”

Carissa was panicking because Clarke had collapsed into her arms and she wasn’t breathing, “Clarke, Clarke!” She exclaimed, feeling around on her neck for a pulse. Nothing. “No! No, come on Clarke. What happened?! I don- I don’t understand!”

* * *

Lexa, Costia, and Anya all flinch when they hear Clarke screaming, the pain evident in her voice.

“So it’s true..” Lexa whispers, looking at Costia and Clarke and back again.

“Clarke! Clarke! _Beja_ breathe!” They hear and all heads whip around to see Clarke on the ground and Carissa feeling her neck, “Clarke! No! Come on Clarke! What happened?! I don’t-” and they take off, running as fast as they can to the blonde.

Lexa has never felt her heart physically stop in her body until this moment, when she gets to her sky princess, the girl she was just struggling to understand, and realizes she's not breathing, she is burning up, and black blood is coming out of her nose once more.

“Pick her up and put her in the water, we need to get her fever down!” Costia commands and watches as Lexa picks the blonde up bridal style and carries her into the water without a second thought, clothes and all.

“Come on _ai hodnes,_ don’t leave us. I accept you, I accept you as Clarke, as new Clarke, old Clarke, _Wanheda_ whoever you wish to be! I accept you ai prisa, don’t leave me.” Lexa is begging now, tears running down her face, she can’t lose Clarke, not now, not ever.

Costia jumps into the water with them, holding Clarke up with Lexa, pressing her lips against her mouth and breathing, “Come on, breathe for me _niron_ , we accept you. _Beja._ Ai hod yu in. Don’t leave us.” She starts to wipe the blood away from her nose, and cups water into her hands to wipe down her face and neck.

Gradually, after what seems like forever, her temperature evens out, and a gasp of air is heard from her mouth. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief, and Lexa and Costia cant stop the tears from flowing. 

"Come on hodnes, show me those beautiful blue eyes.." Lexa whispers into Clarke's ear, but it's no use. She is breathing but her eyes are still closed. The short walk back to their tent feels long with Clarke unconscious and Lexa is silently praying to whoever will listen that Clarke will wake up. They lay her in their bed before stripping her of clothes, laying on either side of her and holding her tightly.

“I'm sorry Clarke, I'm so sorry, we should have ran after you, we should have told you we were there and we love and accept you. You deserve love, I love you. I love you so much Clarke, _Beja, wake up_.” Lexa whispers in her ear, hand over her heart, feeling the way her chest slowly rises and falls.

* * *

The first day of Clarke being unconscious in their bed, breathing, chest slowly rising and falling but so eerily still - is torture to Lexa and Costia. They stay by her, close enough to touch. Close enough to hear the shallow breaths coming from her nose. They frequently reach out, placing their hands over her heart, needing to _**feel**_ that it's still beating. 

They don't talk, they barely even look at each other, mutual blame tearing them apart. If they had gotten to her sooner, if they had put their expectations aside, whatever reservations they had that are completely forgotten now...would she have gotten so upset? Would she have felt like she could lean on them? 

They had failed her, and they didn't know how to handle that pain. So instead they sat, and they waited. Whispering sweet nothings into her ear, praying to the spirits, begging Clarke to wake, to forgive them. 

Food was brought to them, sometimes by hand maidens, sometimes by Carissa or Anya. Both wanting to check on the blonde, feeling just as much pain over her sudden stillness. Would she wake? or had they lost Clarke again? Neither ate, they didn't have an appetite. How could they eat when the beautiful blonde laying in their bed couldn't? 

* * *

The second day passed much like the first, but Lexa had to leave. She was still the commander, she had to show up for her people. So she took her frustrations out in training, and the people offered her a wide birth. More than aware of what was happening with the _skaiprisa_. 

They hadn't informed anyone else of Clarke's true identity, choosing to leave that up to the sleeping blonde. 

Costia was sitting on the bed, playing with Clarke's long wavy locks, braiding and unbraiding the same section. "You always let one of us braid your hair, Clarke...you claim that it takes too long when you do it yourself, but we know you just love the feeling of us running our fingers through it, but something I never told you? I love running my fingers through your hair too.." A tear slipped down her cheek that she brushed away, 

"I miss your blue eyes, I think I took for granted how it felt to wake up every morning and just see you there, laying next to me, breathing in my scent like your life depended on it." Costia chuckles softly, "You always said Lexa smelled like the forest and I smelled like fresh cut grass, You begged Lexa to find someone to create a bath oil so you could smell like us, and even a perfume so you could spray it on your clothes. She pretended to think about it, I remember you were disappointed until you came home and it was our surprise to you. I had never heard you squeal so loud." She sighs longingly, lost in her musings.

"I don't care if you're this Clarke, or a new Clarke, or _Wanheda._ I just need you to wake up, _hodnes_. I need to see your eyes, I need to hear your voice, and feel your lips against mine. I just need to know you're okay. _Beja.._ " 

But Clarke is still for the rest of the day. 

* * *

The third day Lexa stayed by Clarke's bedside while Costia chose to busy herself in the healers tent. Lexa laid next to her favorite blonde, holding her close to her body. Clarke was running hot again, but no matter what they tried they couldn't get the apparent fever to dissipate. She was running a cold rag down the side of the blondes face and neck, 

"I remember our first kiss, it was soft, slow, careful. You were so nervous that your lips were trembling against mine," she releases a breathy laugh, "You were braver when you kissed Costia, I always assumed it was because I was your first kiss but maybe it was simply because I am more intimidating than she is." 

Lexa smirked, "If you were awake that would have gotten me a sarcastic skai girl comeback," she sighs, "I know Costia needs comfort, I know I do too.. but I can't look at her Clarke. I'm lost in our memories, and do you know it's hard for me to remember a time when you weren't here? I know it's been merely four years, but it feels like a lifetime. You are important to so many, important to me.." she blinks away the mist clouding her eyesight

"How am I supposed to do this without you? How can I be the commander? How can I be _**Lexa**_ without you, _ai hodnes?"_

* * *

Four days, Four days of Clarke lying unconscious on their bed, her chest slowly rising and falling. Four days of Lexa beating herself up, Four days of Costia and Lexa refusing to so much as look at each other. It was true after all, Clarke was their only link anymore. They were friends in a marriage with someone they both loved more than life itself, and they were happy that way, but without her? They couldn’t imagine. 

On the fourth day of them both being parked by Clarke’s bedside, holding her hands, praying that she would wake up she started to stir, and they aren’t sure if they preferred her silent sleep or the bone chilling blood curdling screams that accompanied her..

_****Their blood is on your hands!** ** _

****Wake up Clarke..**** Wanheda softly commands

_****When you’re in charge, people die!** ** _

****Clarke, wake up!**** Wanheda yells more forcefully,

_****You’re not god, Clarke. You don’t get to decide who lives and dies!** ** _

_****Do you ever see their faces? Of all the people you’ve killed!** ** _

****It's not real Clarke, wake up!**** Wanheda desperately tries to shake her vessel awake

_****I am doing the best I can!** ** _

_****That’s not good enough!!** ** _

_****You always wanna save everyone. But what you don’t realize is you’re the one we need saving from.** ** _

_****I bear so they don’t have too** ** _

_****WAKE UP!****_ Wanheda uses the full power of her voice to force her will on the blonde.

* * *

Clarke wakes up with a final scream so full of pain and anguish that the entire village pauses, and looks at the commanders tent with eyes full of sympathy.

“I bear it so they don’t have too. I bear it so they don’t have too.” She repeats to herself over and over again,

Carissa and Anya come running in, only to see a sweaty, panting Clarke mumbling to herself on the bed, “I bear it so they don’t have too. I bear it so they don’t have too.” 

Lexa and Costia are there, holding her in their arms, rocking her, whispering soft reassurances in her ear, kissing her anywhere they can reach.

“Lex? Cos?” She says in a voice so small they are both swimming in guilt,

“We are here ai hodnes, we are here. We love you and we are so sorry.” Lexa says softly,

“Sha, ai prisa. So sorry. We accept you, for everything that you are.” Costia adds

Clarke collapses against them in relief and exertion, her body shaking slightly, “What happened?”

“You were out for four days Clarke..” Carissa says softly,

“I think this body is trying to get used to the changes, night blood and _Wanheda_ , I had time to accept both, this body did not.”

Everyone nods, watching as the trembles slow, as the color almost instantly returns to her flesh, and as she looks even more powerful than she did before she passed out,

“Clarke, ai hodnes,” Lexa pulls her chin so she is looking right at her, and she thinks she loses herself in those beautiful green eyes that she loves. “Tell us what happened.”

Swallowing hard, Clarke knows she isn’t talking about her fainting spell, but she isn't sure where to start, so she just starts at the beginning.

“My name is Clarke Griffin and in the other world I was 17 when my father was killed by my mother and the council for uncovering a secret about the ark - it was dying, running out of air, what was supposed to last another 100 years, wouldn’t last another 2. He tried to fix it in secret for months, even tried to convince the council to allow him to recruit help but they refused, they wanted to keep it a secret. And so he decided to take it upon himself, to alert the ark. Tell the people the truth before the chancellor and the council enacted the culling, rounding people up and killing them to preserve air for the rest of us. He told my mom thinking he could trust her and instead she turned him into the council, they executed him, and because I knew, they locked me in solitary.”

Clarke intertwined her fingers with Costia, while Lexa held her close, “I was alone in there for 18 months, and then one day my mom came and said they were sending me and the other delinquents - umm the kids under 18 in the prison I was also in - to earth. Of course we had no idea people were here, we were always told no body could survive the bombs or radiation, so it was a win/win situation. If we lived, then they found a solution to the air supply, if we died, they bought more time for the rest of them. We landed and immediately it was chaos, we were kids raised in space with absolutely no fucking idea how to survive on earth. I was thrust into a leadership position I didn’t want but had no choice but to accept, we tried to make peace with Trikru, honestly it was after a lot of bad things happened. We accidentally caused a lot of deaths, we burnt down a village, but we weren’t trying to! We were trying to send up flares, that would burn in the atmosphere long before they reached the ground, only so the ark could know we were alive, so they wouldn’t kill 300 people who didn’t need to die!!”

They all watched as pain etched on her face and she whispered, “we were too late.. they didn’t see them, or if they did they didn’t know what they were seeing because not long after what the grounders - our name for you, - called falling stars was actually 300 bodies being sent out into space. 300 people I failed to save. I had feelings for a boy, his name was Finn. He was sweet and innocent and charming and he never would have survived on the ground longer than he did...he loved me, I didn’t love him, I realized that after his death. I needed him, I needed someone to make me _feel_ something, something besides fear and _death_ and he was there. At least until his girlfriend came down from the ark.”

“That _ripa_ had another?” Anya spat out,

“ _Sha_ , Raven. She came down for him, and it took him what? 2 days to cheat with me, and I cut things off the minute I found out about her, because I had no idea. But he was a love sick puppy following me around.. Anyway, we tried to meet Anya and make some kind of peace between us, but we were followed. Bellamy and Jasper - a kid who was speared in the chest, and that led him to be terrified of well, everything, and he saw grounders in the trees with weapons and he shot out, effectively ending the meeting before it really began.” She rolled her eyes,

“By that time Lincoln and Octavia were in love and he warned us that the commander had sent an army to wipe us out, 300 warriors.” She smirked over at Lexa whose eyes widened slightly,

“And you survived?!” She asked incredulously

Nodding somberly, Clarke stiffened, “Anya made her way into the dropship where most of us were stationed, and then I pressed the button releasing the rockets and burning them all alive.”

It wasn’t said in awe, or as a brag, it wasn’t said in pride like the grounders anticipate from someone who survived and won a war, no it was said softly, regretfully, guiltily.

“You won the war...that should have been a good thing, right?” Costia prodded softly,

Clarke had a far off look, “Lexa told me that too, it was war and we survived, but a part of me didn’t. They didn’t have to die, we should have worked harder to come to an agreement, they were parents, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, they all belonged to _someone_ and with a press of a button I took them all away.”

Clearing her throat, Clarke continued, just speaking, not really paying attention as the words left her mouth, “When we exited the drop shit, we were surrounded by burnt corpses, and I have never felt more empty, or so I thought. And then the mountain men came for us, drawn by the battle I guess. I was trapped in the mountain for two weeks I think, plotting my escape, most of the _goufas_ wanted to stay, sucking up the bullshit like a sponge. But nothing was ever that simple on the ground, nothing was ever that safe on the ground, it was a lie and I was going to find out what irked me so badly about these people that wanted to buy my loyalty, and then I found them.”

Suddenly Clarke’s eyes locked with Anya, and they watched both of them share a look of utter revulsion, “People, from all the Clans. Locked in Cages. Weak, beaten, drained, some half dead, some just dead. They bleed them, use your blood like medicine because they can’t survive the radiation. And they realized us, the sky kids, had a higher tolerance than you having grown up beside the sun, you were the medicine, but we were the cure. They had hundreds of you, and around 64 of us. But with those 64 they could get 6 doses of bone marrow before the sky kid died, and they could give it to 6 people. They could cure their people, and then they could leave the mountain, walk among the ground, and they had weapons. They had old world cars faster than any horse, _guns and missles and grenades and_ they wouldn’t win the war that would ensue, no way. But they would kill many.”

“I got out with Anya, barely but we managed, and she was shot by skaikru, so was I. I tried to save her, I didn’t know why she was important but I just knew she was, that someone was going to be hurt by her death, another death I couldn’t prevent, but I lost too much blood and passed out. When I woke up I was in the ark, and I wanted to find my friends, we were all separated, I didn’t know who was alive, and who was dead, most were in the mountain - it was a disaster to be honest, but I found Bellamy, and that led to one hundred new problems because Finn..” and his name was spit out between her teeth, eyes glowing a bright red while the blonde seethed, “Fucking Finn, Fucking too innocent to fucking survive Finn was looking for me, and he was convinced grounders had me, so what did he do?! He took a village hostage at gun point, we didn’t know that was what he was doing when we set out to find him, but by the time we did he had killed 18 innocents in my name - trying to find me - and he didn’t care! As soon as he saw me it was like he wasn’t standing in the middle of a blood bath, like he hadn’t just murdered elders and children! All he did was smile, and say “I found you” and I was disgusted, I couldn’t even look at him.”

Slowly, red faded back to sky blue...“I finally got a meeting with you, walking into your tent I don’t think I’ve ever felt more terrified,” she chuckles, “big bad commander sitting on her throne twirling her dagger and fuck did I not expect you to be so damn attractive. I was definitely expecting someone who looked more like Gustus.” That caused a chorus of giggles,

“I said my peace, basically telling you about the mountain, about Anya, saying we should ally to get our people out, and I offered you something useful, _ripas,_ we could turn them back into men. And we proved it, with Lincoln. That is when I was first called _Wanheda,_ by Nyko when he watched me restart Lincolns heart after it had stopped. I didn’t know what it meant and he told me later you had told him not to spread the rumor, but it spread anyway and it spread fast. I met Carissa not long after that!"

"You agreed to an alliance, on one condition...you wanted Finn, he had to die death by a thousand cuts for killing the 18 innocents. I tried to save him, not because I believed him worth saving but because I was the leader, but you wouldn’t take me in his place, you let me say goodbye though…, and instead I used a knife Raven had slipped into my jacket to kill him.”

“Quint tried to kill me one day after a war council meeting, you stopped him literally when he was two seconds from plunging his knife into my chest. You gave me the chance to kill him and I hesitated, I couldn’t kill him. I couldn’t take his life, he wanted mine because I had killed his brother and he was right. It was revenge, that's what everyday life on the ground was about _jus drein jus draun._ Before we could debate it, we were attacked by a _Pauna_. It chased us pretty fucking far, we had to jump off this really high wall, I twisted my ankle, you hurt your shoulder. I helped you stand, we were running and it caught your leg, you told me to leave you, and instead I shot it in the face a couple times and pulled you into the room.”

Clarke rolls her eyes again, “Then we got into a whole lecture about how I cant hesitate to kill people and I should have left you to die, and I have to make tougher decisions as a leader and blah blah, I called you heartless.” She smiles a little, “I said ‘you may be heartless but at least you’re smart.’”

“The mountain dropped a missile on TonDC hoping to kill you and I, but we just barely made it out alive. It got closer and closer to the war, we were in your tent and I was panicking, I didn’t want anyone else to die, especially not because of my plans, and you said...’you think the way we live is harsh but its how we survive,’ and I said, ‘maybe, life should be about more than just surviving, don’t we deserve better than that?’ and you said ‘maybe we do’ and you kissed me and I'm pretty sure I forgot how to function, I was stunned, like seriously this fucking goddess of the free world was kissing me and it took me a good 45 seconds to remember how to use my body in order to kiss you back. But we were interrupted by the horn, the signal was sent and the war had begun.”

Clarke looked at Carissa with a pleading expression, “I can only fill in some of the blanks C, you’ll have to help.”

Nodding, Clarke buried her face in Lexa’s neck, breathing her in while Carissa talked, “We marched to the mountain and things were going good, we had positions all over, honestly we probably could have won, we of course would have taken loses but we would have won. Except the mountain approached the commander, Carl Emerson his name was, and offered a deal, leave skaikru, and they would let the people in the mountain go. They had guns trained on them, missiles aimed at different villages, honestly you had no choice, Lex..” She said softly, watching as Lexa pulled Clarke closer,

“I kissed you, then left you?” She murmured almost in disbelief, while Clarke nodded,

“You didn’t think I would go in, but I did, we found our way to the control room and took control of their systems. I took Cage’s father hostage, trying to get him to let skaikru go. He was drilling into raven, I could hear her scream out for me to save her, and I kept trying to reason with him, but he didn’t care, so I shot his father. He died at my feet, and then it was my mom on the table next to raven, and I didn’t care about Abby but they had already taken four from raven and I promised her I would always put her first, she was my only _skaikru_ family left, I was her only family. She was like my sister…”

It was a few minutes before anyone spoke, Anya and Carissa knew exactly what was coming, but Lexa and Costia could only swallow the dread threatening to overwhelm them, “There are three hundred, and eighty two people in the mountain, twenty six of them children between the ages of infant and ten, and I pulled the lever, pulling in the radiation from outside, killing them all. That’s when I really became known as Wanheda, Mountain Slayer.”

“Everything went to fucking hell fast after that,” And then Clarke pulled away from them, pacing the tent, ignoring the eyes on her, “The ice queen put a bounty on me, you had me brought to Polis," Shooting Lexa an irritated look the blonde amended, "You had me _**kidnapped**_ and brought to Polis. You wanted Wanheda to bow before you and skaikru to become the 13th clan, I was angry with you but I agreed, you swore fealty to me, we had the ceremony, ice nation used Emerson who no one knew at the time Nia had allied with to self destruct mount weather where skaikru was stationed in the reaper tunnels healing the remaining reapers. It killed everyone there, Nia then staged a coup, blackmailing all the ambassadors to rise against you. It was almost unanimous except I was an ambassador and didn’t agree, Nia called for a fight to the death and used roan as her champion, you said “ _I laik Heda, no one fights for me_.” Again Clarke could only roll her eyes, “you thought I was underestimating your ability to fight, but in fact I was the only one of us thinking logical, Nia had more up her sleeve than anyone was willing to admit."

" I tried to poison her, it was more of a half assed attempt to get her to reveal her plans, which worked wonderfully because then I met Ontari, the queens nightblood. She is your age, this plan had been in the making long before you were commander. Instead of killing Roan you killed Nia and named him king, skaikru got trigger happy because they were forcibly taken over by Pike. He ruled with fear and used his bigotry against you all to rally the few that were scared of you, it caused them to kill 300 of your warriors. Before this happened, we were trying to implement, blood must not have blood. There is a difference between justice and revenge, a line, we tried to draw it. It proved hard with those fucking idiots poking the already pissed off _Pauna_ , Titus already hated me but was that much more pissed when you decided to put a blockade and kill order against skaikru instead of just killing them all, you asked me to stay. Again as if he didn’t hate me enough.”

“Carissa..” Clarke said and her look was desperate,

“I cant Clarke, I don’t know what happened, only what we were told..”

“Lets go,” Clarke said and didn’t bother waiting to see if anyone will follow.

* * *

Carissa stopped them before they followed, “So far she has given you the short version of the story, she left a few things out, but you’ve seen all the things she had already gone through, this will be the most difficult part.”

With that they followed, and they could practically feel the anger and pain radiating off the blonde, she led them into the cave by the waterfall, and they watched as she stripped off her shirt and stood in a fight stance before punching the cave wall. It cracked under her fist, “Lex, do we live in Polis?”

Hesitating minutely, “ _Sha_ , we are only visiting TonDC.”

An angry grunt and then a much harder punch, “Anya and Carissa comes with or I don’t return.”

“Clarke..” Lexa started but stopped when a fiery glare was sent her way

“Would you like to know what horrors I witnessed in polis? Titus tried to have me killed, he wanted to kill me with a _fayogun_ and frame a member of skaikru, because he knew you would be so angry, you would say to hell with blood must not have blood and kill them all just like he wanted you to do. And he was right, you would have.”

“Titus would dare threaten you with a gun?!” Lexa snarled,

“wait tried to..?” Costia interjected

“I managed to avoid him, terrible shot, but Lexa ran in to check on me, and he shot her. In the stomach and you died, you d-died in my arms. And I tried to save you. I t-tried to s-stop the bleeding but he was just fucking standing there! And you were telling me death isnt the end! But guess fucking what Lexa?! it was the end of you! And I loved you! After you left me at that fucking mountain I couldn’t stop loving you, and then you just..you just died..” Clarke couldn’t stop the tears that fell down her face, or the pain that threatened to rip her chest open.

“There was no conclave, Ontari got into the nightblood quarters and killed them all, delivering Aiden's head to me because she knew he meant the most to you. I killed Titus, I took great pleasure in killing him for what he did and then," She paused, closing her eyes as she tried to stop the flow of tears. 

"Then I killed every member of _skaikru,_ everyone I blamed for your death. I murdered them. Anyone who opposed you, anyone who would dare threaten the peace that cost you your life. I ripped them apart, traveling from Clan to Clan until no one was left to speak against you. And I forced Luna to step up, because no one else could.. they wanted me, but I couldn't. I couldn't! I had nothing without you Lex, we spent months together. Everyday, you got under my skin. You did everything possible to make it up to me, to prove that _Heda_ had to leave me at the mountain but Lexa was destroyed because of it. You were the only family I had, Carissa was gone, _Skaikru_ was gone. You were my best friend, my lover and you were gone.." 

Swallowing harshly Clarke turned her back, avoiding whatever look was on the faces behind her, "When I was finished," She spoke just above a whisper, "When I did everything I could to ensure the peace we worked hard for, I found a secluded cave in the wilderness and I took my own life. I welcomed the pain, I wanted it to be over. I wanted it all to be over. The fighting, the anger, the pain, the death. My soul was shredded and I couldn't handle it anymore, I was ready to go where ever I was supposed to go." 

"But when I woke up.. I wasn't in the afterlife, or hell, or any place that I could have imagined. Instead there was the goddess of death, _Wanheda_. Standing before me, explaining my part in the bigger picture and I begged her not to take me. I begged her to let me go, to let me be done suffering, to let me _**die.**_ She refused, she said I was important, I was needed, that life couldn't continue without _Heda_ and _Wanheda_. That the timeline we came from ended, without either of us to help protect humanity, they perished...And I’m just tired guys, I’m just...tired." 

No one spoke, no sound came from the cave except the audible sounds of sniffling, because everyone had tears in their eyes listening to the pain so plainly heard in the blonde's voice. It hurt them all to hear it, it hurt them all to witness it. 


End file.
